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“David is coming to the potluck”

David came into town a few weeks ago to pick up his truck that he let me use to schlep my stuff back from Arizona. He had stuff in the storage unit in Healdsburg so the arrangement worked out well. For those of you who are new to my blog, David is my ex-husband. We are friends. We even went on vacation together last May.

He was coming to town with his girlfriend Julie, who I only met once as Elizabeth and I passed through Vegas on our way back from Arizona. When he called to tell me when they were coming, I suggested I see if Jarrod and Amanda were available to visit so he could see them too. I thought the six of us could go to dinner together (add Mike). We also talked about where they would stay. I offered up my cottage because I could stay at Mike’s, the condition being they had to take care of my cat. Why spend the money on a hotel?

More than a few of my friends shot me the weird face when I told them all of this. I know David and I aren’t the first married couple to divorce and stay friends, but we were together for over 20 years and haven’t been divorced all that long in the grand scheme of things. Our parting was fraught with pain and heartbreak. I was a puddle on the floor for almost a year. And the circumstances that turned me into a puddle were the kind of circumstances that would leave most women bitter and incapable of letting go of all that hurt (it wasn’t Julie). I’m not tooting my own horn. In the beginning I did my fair share of throwing him under the bus. But even in the midst of my inability to accept my circumstances, I would have moments where I knew without a doubt, that no matter what the outcome, we would be friends one day.

Sure, I wanted to blame him. And perhaps in some circumstances one person is a little more responsible than the other, but it takes two people to make a relationship work and two people to bring it to the end. I’m not entirely blameless in the demise of our marriage. I never thought I was, but I still wanted to fix things, and then I gave up. And then he wanted to fix things, and then he gave up. It’s a process. And the process led us here to where we are today. Friends. And I love that we are friends.

Jarrod and Amanda weren’t able to make it so Mike and I made plans to go to Sarah’s for potluck and step two of making homemade Limoncello with other friends, all of whom David knows. I invited he and Julie to stop by after they went to dinner because I assumed they would want to go to any number of the fabulous restaurants in Healdsburg. He said, “No, we want to come to the potluck, what can we bring?” I told him to get pie and ice cream from Big Johns. So they did.

Life is strange and so completely wonderful.

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