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Forgive me for being so boring…

I fear I have become boring. I fear I write about the same old shit. My son is a cancer survivor, I have gray hair, I am a model, I question everything, I am trying to figure out if things happen for a reason, I run, I cycle, I love to write, I joined Team in Training again, and the newest thing that I am going to bombard you with is that I have a lead role in a short film. Big fucking deal about any of it.

I’m actually sick of myself. I feel like I need a break from me. I am not special. Every single person on this planet has their own “special” shit going on. I am no different from anyone. We wake up, we shit, we go to work, we eat, we drink, we laugh, we cry, we love, we have sex with ourselves, or with someone else if we are lucky, and then we go to bed.

I have been in a slump. I have a friend who keeps challenging me to write fiction. I keep saying I am incapable of pulling a story out of my ass. I can’t make stuff up. He says I need to get away from myself. I say, how can I, I am myself. When I wake up, I am there. He told me to write of something in my life that happened to me and my brother, but to write it as if I were my brother, from his point of view, and all I can manage is him writing about his sister, which is me. Again. Me. Go away, me.

Seriously, the last thing I want to be is self-indulgent, but I fear that is just what I have become. Ick. Yuck. But isn’t writing at it’s very nature self-indulgent? Yes, it is. Ray Bradbury says, “You must stay drunk on writing so reality doesn’t destroy you.” Oh hell, that doesn’t help me, because I write about my own life. My reality. Hemingway said, “There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” That’s more like it. The exposure of it. I think I would feel less exposed if I were a stripper. Even the fiction writer feels exposed. Apparently there is always a little bit of truth in fiction. I wouldn’t know. And a final quote from Stephen King, “Fiction is the truth inside the lie.” I don’t even know what that means.

I will close by telling you that my friends, Ron and Debi, came over and we shared a bottle and a half of wine, so I’m a bit tipsy. I think I should become a true artist and only write drunk. Goodnight.

13 Comments Post a comment
  1. Julia Rebecca Miron #

    I can TOTALLY relate, Jodee! I feel the same way sometimes- about my writing. About exposure. About getting sick of myself when I see it all play out. Also about fiction.
    I wrote fiction when I was younger- waay younger,like 12, and received special praise for it, but I have no idea where to pull that from now.

    July 3, 2012
  2. We’re almost 3/4 of the way through the 40 day project, and I have had days exactly like what you describe. The first few days seemed simple; there was lots to be shared. Now it feels like I am scraping the bottom of the barrel, in a sense, yet I keep getting decent feedback.

    I doubt fiction is for me, either. There is still so much reality I need to express. The challenge is finding out how; it isn’t always easy.

    I, too, enjoy wine…more than I should, perhaps, and for the record, my Day 8 — Lounge Longing was written with a big buzz, and it turned out to be a handful of followers’ favorite. Lewis Carroll wrote Alice in Wonderland under the influence, so what the hell.

    Keep writing, Jodee. You are far from boring. You have a great gift of creatively sharing your life with others. Fuck the fiction…it’s not you; you’re interesting enough. Just…keep…writing.

    You inspired me to get started on my own writing; I hope I have inspired you, as well.

    July 3, 2012
    • Truly Kelly, you have inspired. Thanks for all that, especially for your support and for also sharing yourself with the world. You are a wonderful human and I’m delighted as I get to know you better through your writing.

      July 4, 2012
  3. Julia Rebecca Miron #

    another thing I thought of, Jodee, is that even though it’s easy to get sick of ourselves in situations like these, be sure to be kind to yourself about it! It’ll pass and it’s just an opportunity to grow, as a writer and as a person. Keep on keepin on! ❤

    July 3, 2012
    • Julie, it is so great to have someone who also walks in the same shoes. Like minds. 🙂 And thank you for telling me to be kind to myself. That is a reminder I will take to heart. xoxo

      July 4, 2012
  4. I love this! I feel the same way. I want to write fiction, but I have a hard time making things up. Anyway, you rock! Love your stuff! And no, you are anything but boring! 🙂

    July 5, 2012
    • Thank you, Annie! I actually really enjoyed writing this one and it all came out without a struggle. I appreciate your kind words. 🙂

      July 5, 2012
  5. I get sick of me sometimes too Jodee. Then I get weird and crack myself up…so maybe that makes me weird. One thing is certain – boring can change in a heartbeat! Love your writing!

    July 6, 2012
    • Thanks so much, Patti. It has been great to hear from all my fellow writers on this topic. I know we can all relate. 🙂

      July 6, 2012
  6. Writing drunk – Yes, that is the Heming-way, isn’t it! Speaking of which, one of my favorite Hemingway quotes “All good books have one thing in common – they are truer than if they really happened.” Somehow found this blog through Sharon Grabus’ facebook post of you…I still remember you like the picture in my Antioch (’77) yearbook! Take care.

    July 7, 2012
    • Thanks Louis, I appreciate you reading and commenting! Truly. And I love that quote. 🙂

      July 8, 2012
  7. I realize you wrote this a while ago but I love this post. It’s raw and honest…and actually reminded me to not take myself so seriously (because, as you said, we all have our own shit going on)…my issues and life dramas are occurring across this globe in a thousand different people’s lives to one degree or another. I’m new here but have read your writing on elephant journal. boring or not you have gained an admirer.

    August 21, 2012
    • Thank you so much for that! I appreciate you taking the time to write to me. I’m glad you liked it. That post is actually one of my own favorites, too. It truly was raw and honest and how I was feeling at that moment, as I was trying to think of something to write about. Thank you, again.

      August 22, 2012

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