Shake It Off

The hardest thing in the world for me is to give myself a break, cut myself some slack, let go of the stupid shit I do. I am muddling my way through a new chapter in my life and mistakes are made along the way. That is to be expected, right? I slip, I fall, I run straight into the path of an oncoming truck.

I said once that I don’t need an instruction book on life, I need a troubleshooting page. If this doesn’t work, do that. If that doesn’t work, try this. But there isn’t one. There is only that moment of clarity when you can’t take something back. You can’t undo what has already been done. This is nothing major, mind you. I’m not hurting anyone. I just need to take that breath in between decisions. I need to stop and think. I need my heart to shut up and my brain to be my first line of defense.

There was safety in marriage and by that I mean safety in general. Now the net is gone. The comfort zone is the tiny space of my little cottage and I step outside of it every single day. What do I know about navigating life alone? Not a damn thing. So you trust your instincts, use your best judgement, hope for the best. Sometimes you fail, other times you hit the jackpot. There are beautiful people in this world. And you hope that the unseen gravitational pull of the universe is working in your favor. If not, you hope your eyes are wide open.

In the meantime, you learn. Every slip is the opportunity not to step in that direction. But then you do. You run straight into the path of that oncoming truck. Again. Oh well. You get up, brush the dirt off your face, put a bandaid on your elbow and keep moving.