I spend too much time wondering if life is just a series of random events or if things happen for a reason. I suppose when your life gets completely turned upside down within a span of a year or so, you begin to ponder. I haven’t always been lost in these kind of thoughts. For many years I think I moved through life on autopilot, but I have always questioned things. Faith has never been an easy thing for me to grasp, but I want to believe that there is a purpose. There are times when things are revealed to have meaning and when that happens, it restores my belief in something beyond what we do ourselves to create the life we live, but there are other times when nothing seems to make sense. It may just be that I am too impatient, and that the answers are revealed somewhere down the road. Or perhaps I am not paying close enough attention to what may be right in front of me. I hope so, because I have never been a cynical person and have no intention of becoming one.
This poem, which I have already published here, speaks to these thoughts, so now you know where it came from.
Until the blue of the sky washes over me,
And my blood no longer flows,
Will my mind become still,
And the disquiet cease.
As I question what is to be written,
With an inconvenient heart,
And the longing to know,
Is not within my grasp.
To believe in a destination without patience,
Is a dark and endless odyssey,
As discovery is fleeting,
The mystery, elusive.
Who is the emissary that delivered the disturbance,
That changed the direction of the wind,
What is to be revealed,
And for what purpose?
I search for faith,
To see with unclouded clarity,
To know that what has always been beyond my reach,
May one day open up to me.